Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got inside last night via doggy door
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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