I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
