I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish I could teleport
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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