escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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