I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
