awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
