So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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