She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
