I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
