the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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