help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
