I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
