After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
