They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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