i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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