3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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