I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
