I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
