TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i think my cat just said my name.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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