I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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