I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
