I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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