I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
