So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize