using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
