i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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