Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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