Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
