I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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