i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
