I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
