I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
