dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do vagina's smell?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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