Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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