Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I could make wine with my vomit
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
