In the future we'll all be gay
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
