I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
