he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
