Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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