Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
