I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wear drunk well.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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