im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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