I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
