Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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