Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Me. At least after what I've been through.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my being single is dangerous.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
