mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize