yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
