My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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