I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
