how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
