Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize