remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
