when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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