Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
