Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize