you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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