No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
