I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
