Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
