I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
