so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
