I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
