The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
