Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
