I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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