Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
