In the future we'll all be gay
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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