I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i dont even know how to be here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
