One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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