I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
